others

i had a friend who was larger than life.  she was a flamboyant dresser, big thinker, roll-her-sleeves-up-and-help kind of girl.  she could really made a lot happen!

people sought her opinion - she was smart.  and her expertise - she got a lot done.  her ideas were unique and creative.  she was a force to be reckoned with.  every one liked to be near her because she was one of a kind and there was no doubt you were in the presence of greatness when you were near her.

she won awards, gave speeches, motivated volunteers, spear-headed coat drives, planted flowers, painted over graffiti, bought presents for underprivileged families, fostered kids nobody else wanted, raised a family, loved a husband . . . she made a difference. 

you might have known her.  she was high profile.   you might not have.  it is irrelevant.

but what is relevant is this . . .  she got sick.   very sick.  and when those same people who lauded her, applauded her, honored her, awarded her and worked next to her would see her, they no longer talked about plans to make a difference, families to heal, lives to change.  they only talked about her sick, tired, weary, worn out body.  she lost her identity to her illness.  she knew it.  and she did not like it.

she said to me "they never asked me these questions before.  do i not matter any more?  just my body matters?  i have lost who i am to the perception of their reality and i am so sad."

so before you ask someone who is sick how they are feeling - ask them something about who they are - not what they are.  remember, we are all much more than our earthly bodies.