who is holding the measuring stick?

when we begin the process of dissection to determine if we are measuring up who is holding the stick?  is it our perception of our own self that causes us to feel like we have fallen short, measured up, succeeded, far exceeded the goal, etc.?  or is it the perception of some one else who we use to measure with?

in our professional lives things are typically pretty clear cut.  a task is outlined by our employer (or if we are self-employed our client may be the driving force) and either we hit the mark and are kept on for another round, we fail and are directed to try again or we are lead to go figure it out on the dime of another.

but what about in relationships of the personal nature?  acceptance and love seems to be a common goal.  being accepted for who we are and what we believe feels good.  and let's be honest - it feels really nice to be understood, acknowledged as good and viewed as right.

well, when things go south what is the common thread that has changed?  did the stick move?  did the person passing judgment redo the rules without communicating there was a change?  did communication break down?

i do not have the answers but i do know a lot of the questions.  maybe instead of being upset at the other person it is time to take a long hard look in the mirror.  and if the person staring back at you finds absolutely no fault it may be time for a new mirror.